Here we go.
Let’s try a question and answer thread. You ask the questions (in a comment), and I’ll answer as transparently as possible (in a comment).
TIM, are you gay?
I’m 48, single, living in New York City, and I like musicals, opera, ballet, and often do interpretive dance around my apartment which I decorated myself. You do the math.
But you’re a Mormon?
Yes, at least 5th generation (on one line). I’m very proud of my LDS heritage, and even though I have some doubts about the official stance on the origins of the Church, I continue to be active there, as I have been my entire life, except for a couple of brief periods of sloth.
You don’t have a problem with this seeming paradox?
No, I don’t. The God who is my friend knows that I have tried to live a “moral” life, and I think he applauds my efforts.
So, you’re celibate?
Yes, for the present.
And you’re completely a virgin, sexually-speaking?
No, not at all, though I think I’ve retained some innocence. I’ve had dates, and I’ve had sex.
So, you’ve repented of these…dates?
I once thought I needed to repent, but no longer. I have given up all guilt about being gay. I also harbor no guilt at having brown hair and bit of a tummy.
Don’t you feel bad going to Church with this hanging over your head?
No. I go to Church because it makes me feel good to be there, to learn about Jesus and sing His praises.
Would you like to meet a man and have a relationship, possibly get “married” to him?
Yes, that would be ideal. And ideally, he would be another LDS man. I think it could be a wonderful life, one that I’ve dreamed of since I was a kid going to Jr. Sunday School.
But the Church wouldn’t want you to marry another man, and still come to Church, isn’t that right?
I can’t really say what would happen in future, if I married a man (say, in Canada). There might be some censure from Church leaders, but I think most everyone I know would be delighted for me, that I could find some happiness in this life (and maybe in the next one, too).
If the Church leaders decided to dismiss me from my callings, it would be hard for me, because I love to play the organ and serve God this way. And I get a lot of nice attention from it. But I’ve served for 25 years now in my ward, as a musician, teacher, clerk. Maybe it’s time to retire. If I was disfellowshipped, it might be difficult to attend each week. I’d make a valiant effort for a little while.
But I wouldn’t stop praying, and I wouldn’t stop believing in Jesus and His example, and his lessons for survival, for love, and a graceful life.